Brown-tail moth (Euproctis chrysorrhoea)

This is Boris the brown-tail moth. Don’t be fooled by his buffoonish appearance – his children by many mothers cause havoc by decimating our hedgerows and trees, destroying our public services and dismantling the social fabric of our country.  Found mainly in the conservative southern England constituencies, the oven-ready eggs, laid in batches, hatch into hairy caterpillars who weave webs of lies and deceit, their hairs causing intense irritation and rashes for anyone who comes into contact with them. In urban slang ‘brown tail’ means to have a shit. I fear Boris will brown tail all over us if he gets elected.

Brown-tail moth caterpillars

Gypsy moth (Lymantria dispar)

This handsome gypsy moth has recently made its home in London. They are seen by some as unwelcome visitors due to their colourful caterpillars munching through large amounts of foliage and making a bit of a mess of the local shrubbery. These caterpillars then park up on tree trunks and walls for a couple of weeks to pupate. Once emerged the adults flit around looking for some measly low-paid pollinator work that no-one else wants to do. If Priti Patel has her way these fine moths will have nowhere to go.

Gypsy moth caterpillar